What’s my story? Well… growing up I was a pretty happy kid. I looked at life through rose colored glasses as my mom said. Then in 8th grade my life went a little crazy. My brother decided to up and leave with his girlfriend. All of the members of my family went from happy to crying every 2 seconds. I felt like I had to be strong for my family. I couldn’t let my emotions show. My mom started being really hard on me about everything. She would tell me I was eating too much and getting fat, she would grab my face and inspect it telling me my acne was getting worse. I never wore the right thing, I never did my makeup right. I was never good enough for her.. Then I started to get into the realm of dating. My first boyfriend was great. He was sweet, and treated me like I was everything he ever wanted. But I was only 13, so it didn’t last very long. Then after that I made the worst choices for boyfriends. But the one who pushed me over the edge was Ben. All he wanted was my V card. All he would ever do was try and push me and push me. If I didn’t give him what he wanted, he wouldn’t talk to me. I would try and explain, or apologize and he would just ignore me, even if I was sitting right next to him. He wouldn’t acknowledge me. He cheated on me all the time, did drugs behind my back, tried to take advantage of me in public situations, but I thought I loved him so I stayed with him. But one day I couldn’t take it anymore. So I tried cutting. I had seen one of my friends do it and I was curious… I needed an outlet and it was the only thing that worked. Finally I broke up with him, but my next choices were even worse. The cutting was getting worse which made me hate myself even more so I would cut more. When my best friend started to do it too because of my example, I knew it had to stop. I needed to be strong for her. I didn’t want her to feel the same way I did. I tried to stop a few times. I would do ok for a while but then slip right back into it. I finally got up the courage to tell someone and I started seeing a shrink. But I still struggled. But soon after I graduated high school, something changed. I started to realize most of the people in this world don’t matter. I am who I am and they can deal with it. I started trusting my own opinions and ideas. I started to like the way that I looked, well certain parts of me. I was gaining confidence. I didn’t feel like I needed that razor anymore. Of course with any addiction, you relapse. And I’ve had my share of relapses since then, but I’m getting better, I’m getting stronger. Yes my husband knows everything I’ve done and he stills loves me. He knows I’m getting better. And he is here for me every step of the way.
I want to be here for all of you. Help you when you’re struggling, give you advice, or just be here to listen. I know what it’s like to hurt. I know what it’s like to feel like no one cares, or everyone cares too much. I know what it’s like to hate yourself more than anything else. I know what it’s like to want to die. Please let me be here for you.
MY RELIGION
I’m a Mormon. I was raised Mormon and I will raise my children Mormon. Mormons are Christians. A Christian is someone who believes in Jesus Christ. Which we do. We believe that the Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ, like the bible. Yes we believe in the Bible too. No my family is not polygamists and no one is my church is. If one practices polygamy in my church they are excommunicated. We are not affiliated with anyone who practices polygamy. We do not worship Joseph Smith. We worship our Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ. We believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet just like Noah, and Moses were prophets too. We are not all conservative/republicans. One of my best friends who is also Mormon, is a hard core Liberal. Just because we have different political views, doesn’t make either of us less or more of a Mormon. No, we do not have horns, we do not worship the devil, no you do not have to wrestle a goat to get baptized, and no we do not sacrifice people in our temples. I don’t understand how people can say those kinds of things about my religion. If you say you are a Christian, then act like one and “love they neighbor as thyself.” Don’t tell me what I do and don’t believe, because I’m pretty sure that I know what I believe better than you do. I believe that everyone has the right to worship how they want and believe in whatever they want.
I’m not saying this to attack any other religion or to preach to anyone that this is what they should believe. I’m sorry if any of this offended anyone because that is not my intention. I’m simply informing, because many people don’t know anything about my faith. I will be really sad if anyone thinks of me differently because of this. I’m still the same person who went through what i went through. I still have my problems and my issues. If you have any questions, please ask me. I would love to answer any.
